I feel like I need more people to look up.
More idols I can strive toward, better versions of myself that I can create and aspire to be like. A fixed point of clarity and perfection in my head
The more I think about the future, the more I wish I had a better role model to follow. I just can’t seem to find anyone walking the same path as me. Which makes me question whether or not the path I’m walking is even a good one? If it’s the right one. But I can’t let things like that hold me back or stop me from moving forward. I may be the only one walking this path, and I may be the only one who thinks that what I’m doing is enough or even adequate. The uncertainty of an unlived life and an ending that doesn’t seem quite right. A final destination that may or may not exist.
I hear that the journey is what matters, but what is a journey without a goal, without an end? It’s a rambling mess of confused lines and unprepared sentences. A walk through a maze with no map and no plan. I don’t like it. I could spend the rest of my life watching movies and tv shows, lamenting over book characters and impossible conclusions. I could draw my days away, and spend the rest surrounded by the sounds and expressions of mediocrity I see in the city streets. That isn’t the way I want to live.
I have one motto I live my life by, the way I choose my friends, the way I draw my path in the sand and under the light of the sun and moon.
I do not surround myself with mediocrity.
That’s it. It is very hard to do though. I meet a lot of people that do not come up to my standards, a lot of people simply cruise through like I said before. Existing in the misty purgatory of a ‘journey’ worth travelling. I do not know how to say no. I do not know how to escape these people yet. I will not let them drag me down. I will not let them pull me into the undertow of bastardized ambition and vague pretenses of glory. I will not let them pull me under.